Novels

I have a book out!  Won’t you check it out?  It’ll corrupt your soul, I can promise you that!


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A VULGAR TALE
by Ebenezer Hellwig

Amazon USA:
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1536906859
Ebook:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01JH5VSK4

Amazon UK:
Paperback:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1536906859
Ebook:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01JH5VSK4

When a giant scrotum-like god with phallic-shaped tentacles comes from another dimension to destroy Metropolis, it’s up to two complete assholes with a history of drug abuse and mindless violence to go on a thrilling interdimensional quest to save the day and get laid.

On the instructions of a tutu-wearing biker fairy with type-two diabetes, Ludwig Scumbucket and Basehead Bart set off to fulfil the stupid and mostly-incoherent prophecy and tear shit up like only they know how. Travelling through the very fabrics of existence itself, the inept duo encounter all manner of ridiculousness…and leave it a bloody wreck.

A quest of absurdity for the ages, A Vulgar Tale is sure to warp your mind and liquidise your sanity. If you’re a fan of bizarre adventure, the more deranged the better, then this unholy tome is your jam, man. Featuring plot points fit for a king, a string of gratuitous brutality, mullet abuse and characters so intriguing they belong wedged up Satan’s colon, A Vulgar Tale is as outrageous as it comes.

Is it good? Well of course I’m going to say yes, but don’t just take my word for it. Look at the amazing quotes I got from long-dead historical figures who graciously provided me with their opinions when asked:

“It made me evacuate the contents of my bowels against my will, in a good way”
– RAMESSES II

“Better than a heroin cake”
– DANTE ALIGHIERI

“Unashamedly bizarre, ridiculous, deranged and spectacularly degenerate on a truly grand scale, A Vulgar Tale is weaponised epic on steroids”
– VLAD DRACULA