Tetracamelism

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“Four Desert Camels”

In an effort to bring weird education to the masses, I have written what I feel is a perfect addition to any dictionary and/or encyclopedia awaiting publication.  This piece deals with a subject not commonly written about, but one that most certainly requires its own dedicated word to aid in its description.  Please read on for the purposes of enlightenment.  Originally written on the 30th May 2016.


Tetracamelism

Tetracamelism is the state of having four camels run a country. It happens rarely, but when it does, it is usually quite disastrous. This was famously the case in the ancient nation of the Sand Djinn, who once ruled in the vastness of the Sahara Desert before modern humans came along and started bottling the Djinn. It is not quite clear why this was the case, but it is believed that the Djinn were extremely gullible and worth a lot on the open market at the time. In lieu of the Sand Djinn, their nation was colonised by camels, the four most intelligent of which formed a government and ruled over the sands for several centuries until they were wiped out by an asteroid.

During this period of political upheaval, the camels managed to absolutely ruin the economic stability of the Sahara by chewing all the foliage into extinction. This created a deficit in the native wildlife population’s food supply and therefore brought about the Great Locust Exodus which left the camels with nothing to coat in syrup and sell to tourists. In addition to crippling the economy, the camels also failed to maintain political ties with the various vicugna and llama tribes of the surrounding countries, resulting in constant raiding and skirmishes.

The last known case of tetracamelism occurred in Mesopotamia in 539 BC. The ruling Sumerians and Akkadians were attacked and ultimately driven north by four battle-hardened camels from the Camelidae Crusades. Once the former kings had been banished, the camels assumed governorship of the land and settled into what was to be known historically as the Great Camel Dynasty. This feudal system would last until 332 BC when the camels were vanquished by Alexander the Camel Slayer and his army of enslaved alpacas.

Other known nations which have experienced true tetracamelism (as opposed to governorship by fewer than four camels) include Finland, Imperial Russia and the Principality of Sealand.

Prior to the dawning of the internet and its infallible teachings, there was once a strong belief that Portugal was once ruled by as many as five camels at one time, and that subsequently pentacamelism should be a word. This, however, turned out to be a filthy lie, fabricated by the Portuguese equivalent of the mafia in an attempt to instil fear in the population for the purposes of racketeering. Besides, we now know that camels are incapable of getting along in numbers greater than four.

18 thoughts on “Tetracamelism

  1. Love your wit, brother. I was going to call you out on having bottles so early in history, then I looked it up to see the first glass bottles emerged around 1500BC. I thought it would be way later than that, stupid me.

    Liked by 1 person

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