My 1st Novel is Now FREE on Amazon!


“A Vulgar Tale” by Ebenezer Hellwig (2016)

Dear Readers,

The reason for my lack of posts lately has been due to me finishing my first published novel. It’s entitled “A Vulgar Tale” and it’s exactly that. Extremely vulgar. In fact, it’s so vulgar that I used a pseudonym instead of my own name in order to distinguish it from the kind of things I normally write. I’m very proud to share this novel with the world now, and even more pleased to let everyone know that it is currently being offered for FREE on Amazon (though only for the next two days, so be quick, afterwards it will be a mere 99p/99c). Links are at at the bottom of this post. Now, here’s the exciting synopsis:

When a giant scrotum-like god with phallic-shaped tentacles comes from another dimension to destroy Metropolis, it’s up to two complete assholes with a history of drug abuse and mindless violence to go on a thrilling interdimensional quest to save the day and get laid.

On the instructions of a tutu-wearing biker fairy with type-two diabetes, Ludwig Scumbucket and Basehead Bart set off to fulfil the stupid and mostly-incoherent prophecy and tear shit up like only they know how. Travelling through the very fabrics of existence itself, the inept duo encounter all manner of ridiculousness…and leave it a bloody wreck.

A quest of absurdity for the ages, A Vulgar Tale is sure to warp your mind and liquidise your sanity. If you’re a fan of bizarre adventure, the more deranged the better, then this unholy tome is your jam, man. Featuring plot points fit for a king, a string of gratuitous brutality, mullet abuse and characters so intriguing they belong wedged up Satan’s colon, A Vulgar Tale is as outrageous as it comes.

Make no mistake, this book won’t be for everyone. It’s extremely bold and absurd. But if you yearn for something vastly different than pretty much everything you’re ever likely to read, then pick up a copy of “A Vulgar Tale” right now while it’s FREE. It’s available on, and all other Amazon regional sites for absolutely nothing.

Please check out my new novel and thanks for stopping by!

Neil Dinsmore/Ebenezer Hellwig

Amazon UK – FREE:

Amazon US – FREE:

6 thoughts on “My 1st Novel is Now FREE on Amazon!

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