Despite the undeniable fact that it should, Super Prolapse Adventure 2 does not actually exist. It was a figment of my imagination one night when I was quite bored. I decided that this non-existent PC point n’ click video game clearly needed a walkthrough, just in case one day someone actually senses the world’s very real need for this game to become a reality. So here it is, in all its glory: a fragment of the walkthrough for Super Prolapse Adventure 2: The Enchanted Asshat. Originally written on the 7th October 2014.
“Super Prolapse Adventure 2: The Enchanted Asshat (Walkthrough)“
Chapter 3: The Castle of Lust
By now you are fully erect. That penis pills you stole from the troll governor’s bedside cabinet have taken full effect. This will prove to be both beneficial and a hindrance. But for now, let’s use that hard as steel foot-long to break down the castle’s portcullis.
First, select your penis by equipping it from your sack. Next you’re going to want to click USE and then click on the portcullis. This will trigger a cut scene in which your phallus is used as a hinge and topples the iron obstruction. Be sure to PICK UP the rusty bolts and porno magazine.
One inside the main gate you will be presented with three doors, a pink one with an engraving of a penis on it, a brown one with ape shit stuck to it and a white one with a swastika on it. Take the brown one.
Once inside the Brown Chamber you will meet a guard named Lubb. If you TALK to Lubb, he will tell you that he enjoys the pleasures of anal love. Click on the chest in the corner of the room, click OPEN and retrieve the golden dildo inside. Next GIVE the golden dildo to Lubb. He will ask you if you are trying to bribe him. When given the option between “Yes, I’m a sordid bastard” and “No, I’d never do a thing like that”, make sure you select the former. If you accidentally tell him that you weren’t trying to bribe him, he will force himself upon you and you will lose all that lovely anus armour you spent most of chapter two collecting. Lubb will now escort you to the dungeon to await Sexecution. Do not worry, sexecution will only occur if you remain idle in the cell for more than 15 minutes. If you like, you may save your progress now and wait the 15 minutes to see a funny animation involving a manatee in a latex gimp suit.
Click on the dead foreskin rat under the bedroll and then select LICK. This will cause the player to vomit all over himself. A second guard will appear and remove you from the cell to wash you in the castle’s industrial washing machine. As his back is turned to fetch the detergent, USE the broom leaning against the wall on the guard’s exposed anus. This will kill the guard. Take his keys, unlock your nipple shackles and return to the cells.
Unlock the cell beside yours (69) and retrieve the Werebastard’s bones. Exit the dungeon.
Returning to the main hall, this time OPEN and go in the white door with the swastika on it. Inside you will meet three Aryans guarding a trapdoor. TALK to the middle Aryan and ask him about black orcs. Now TALK to the Aryan on the right and ask him about homosexuals. Last but not least TALK to the Aryan on the left and ask him about prison food. When the Aryan asks you if you’ve ever been to prison, make sure you tell him “No.” This will lead to the Aryan telling you a long story about his time in the Sausagefest Maximum Security Prison. He will tell you about how he to used to trade his bratwurst with the blacks and homosexuals for apples and chocolate pudding. This will enrage the other two Aryans and they will kill the first one. While the two Aryans are murdering their friend, USE the pocket circumciser you stole from the Yiddish ballerina in chapter one. The player will sneakily snap off the Aryan’s foreskins, making them believe, through their stupidity, that they are now Jewish and therefore commit suicide. This leaves the trapdoor in the floor finally accessible.
Click OPEN and select the trapdoor. It will reveal a flight of stairs to which the player will automatically say “I’m not going down there, it’s far too steep and I’m a great big pansy. I might hurt myself,” every time you try and go down. Even if you equip the “FEARLESS BASTARD” t-shirt. Instead, what you’re going to want to do is equip the toffee-flavoured used giant’s condom you found in the Forest of Grope and you will see a short cut scene of the player turning the condom inside out, climbing inside and rolling down the stairs like a glistening sausage. You have now entered the Ball Room.
This is a strange room, similar in dimensions to the Chamber of Vomit you swam through earlier, this room contains what appears to be a large scrotum hanging from the ceiling. You need to USE the bow and arrow you were given by the giant wasp and shoot it. This will cause the scrotum to rupture and explode like a piñata, showering the room with items. PICK UP all of them. Now proceed back the way you came and make your way back outside the castle.
Once outside you will see a large crate that wasn’t there before. Open it up with the crowbar taken from the scrotum. Climb inside and USE the Zappo lighter. Now you will be able to see inside the crate. TALK to the domesticated swamp pig. The pig will oink back. USE the pig dictionary to discover that he is telling you to put the crate’s lid back on. Refuse the request by selecting KICK and then clicking on the pig’s snout. The pig will now enter rage mode and attack you. Do not worry, you will not die. After the pig has mauled you, you will automatically crawl out of the crate and flop to the ground. Click anywhere on the screen to stand up. The player will pull a pig tooth from his hairy ass and pocket it. Now re-enter the castle.
Your unexpected entrance will scare off a feral pigeon, causing it to drop the limpet it was trying to eat. Scoop up the shattered mollusc and combine it with the Femur Bone of Emperor Gooch to form the Primitive Sex Toy. USE it on the three headed gimp now guarding the pink door. As the gimp begins to produce milk, catch it with your Empty Tin of Sun Ripened Fish Flaps. Proceed through the pink door into the Hall of Moist Panties.
Now you can sit back, relax and enjoy a lengthy cutscene involving the returning Warden of Flesh and the troll governor’s dyslexic daughter.